Entry #3 16/05/2020 Hello hi yeah its me are you surprised….. Well good news bad news I guess, LIFE HAS NOT BEEN SO SHITTY FOR ONCE I think this is the best ive felt in a LOOOONG time BUT HERE THIS HEAR THIS SAD FUCKING THING IT’S A FUCKING PANDEMIC JFC I cant believe ive felt so miserablefor so long that a fucking global pandemic actually improved my life in a way. That’s so shitty That so bad So many people have suffered yet a part of me so small so tiny doesn’t want this to end doesn’t want to turn back and start again ive felt so fucking bad for so long that breathing for once feels so good but also im such a disgusting person I should be wanting this to end and everyday life to come back BUT I DON’T PART OF ME DOESN’T WANT THAT AM I BAD AM I AN ASSHOLE Idk
Entry #2 06-02-2020
Helllo I THINK I’m feeling a little bit better today; it still sucks but I’m trying really hard to just say fuck it you know? I try to separate my feelings from the person I am, at the end of the day, everyone is just doing their own thing, I should be doing it too, I mean,, no one gives a shit right? That makes me feel better, makes me feel like I can just do what I want, make my own mistakes and no one is gonna remember them in the long term.
. Who’s gonna be here in 100 years? NO ONE NO FUCKING ONE no one is gonna tell the tale of how I froze in the middle of the class during my presentation for millions of years to come, no one is gonna be telling them that to their grandchildren, no one is going to be remembering my awkward self in their deathbed for crissakes.
That’s a comforting thought,
With that kinda sorted out for the time being, I can focus on what I really want to think about, the things that make me happy, the places I want to visit, that I want to see before I’m dust and moths and worms, instead of pulsing blood and flesh, the books I wanna read before I cannot see beyond the tips of the fingers of my extended arm, the experiences I wanna have before I grow up more and im not interested in them anymore.
BUCKET LIST: (I’D BE REALLY SAD IF I DIE IN A COUPLE DAYS BUT LIFE IS FUNNY LIKE THAT SO WE MAKE BUCKET LISTS LIKE WE HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD SPOILER WE DON’T
W E W E R E N O T M E A N T T O L A S T F O R E V E R IS THAT A BLESSING OR A CURSE?? IDK)
See a Broadway show (honestly idc what I just want to see one)
Leave my country at least once (tied to number 1 but who the fuck is judging)
Meet people I can call friends (THIS IS SO SAD OMG LOOK AT THE LOSER WITH NO FRIENDS BOOHOO but seriously though what does it feel like to have a best friend?? Someone calling you to just talk about random shit at 3 am?? Never heard of her) ybe